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        Accordion jokes

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          An accordion is a bagpipe with pleats.

          Q: What is the definition of an optimist?

          A: An accordion player with a pager.

          Q: What is the difference between an Uzi and an accordion?

          A: The Uzi stops after 20 rounds.

          Q: What do accordion players use as a contraceptive?

          A: Their personalities.

          Q: What's the range of an accordion?

          A: Twenty yards if you've got a good arm!

          Q: What's a gentleman?

          A: Somebody who knows how to play the accordion, but doesn't.

          Q: What's the difference between an onion and an accordion?

          A: No-one cries when you chop up an accordion.

          Q: What's the difference between an accordion player and a terrorist?

          A: Terrorists have sympathisers.

          Q: What's the definition of perfect pitch?

          A: When an accordion is thrown down the toilet without it touching the sides.

          Q: What's the difference between an accordion and a concertina?

          A: The accordion takes longer to burn.

          Q: How do you protect a valuable instrument?

          A: Hide it in an accordion case.

          Q: What's an accordion good for?

          A: Learning how to fold a map.

          Q: What's the difference between a chainsaw and an accordion?

          A: A chainsaw can be tuned.

          Q: Why is it good that accordionists have a half-ounce more brains than horses?

          A: So they don't disgrace themselves in parades.

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