Of Parents and Children

    Of Parents and Children （論父母和孩子）

    THE joys of parents are secret； and so are their

    griefs and fears. They cannot utter the one；

    nor they will not utter the other. Children sweeten

    labors； but they make misfortunes more bitter.

    They increase the cares of life； but they mitigate

    the remembrance of death. The perpetuity by

    generation is common to beasts； but memory，

    merit， and noble works， are proper to men. And

    surely a man shall see the noblest works and foun-

    dations have proceeded from childless men； which

    have sought to express the images of their minds，

    where those of their bodies have failed. So the care

    of posterity is most in them， that have no posterity.

    They that are the first raisers of their houses， are

    most indulgent towards their children； beholding

    them as the continuance， not only of their kind， but

    of their work； and so both children and creatures.

    The difference in affection， of parents towards

    their several children， is many times unequal； and

    sometimes unworthy； especially in the mothers；

    as Solomon saith， A wise son rejoiceth the father，

    but an ungracious son shames the mother. A man

    shall see， where there is a house full of children，

    one or two of the eldest respected， and the young-

    est made wantons； but in the midst， some that

    are as it were forgotten， who many times， never-

    theless， prove the best. The illiberality of parents，

    in allowance towards their children， is an harmful

    error； makes them base； acquaints them with

    shifts； makes them sort with mean company； and

    makes them surfeit more when they come to

    plenty. And therefore the proof is best， when men

    keep their authority towards the children， but not

    their purse. Men have a foolish manner （both par-

    ents and schoolmasters and servants） in creating

    and breeding an emulation between brothers， dur-

    ing childhood， which many times sorteth to dis-

    cord when they are men， and disturbeth families.

    The Italians make little difference between chil-

    dren， and nephews or near kinsfolks； but so they

    be of the lump， they care not though they pass not

    through their own body. And， to say truth， in

    nature it is much a like matter； insomuch that we

    see a nephew sometimes resembleth an uncle， or

    a kinsman， more than his own parent； as the blood

    happens. Let parents choose betimes， the vocations

    and courses they mean their children should take；

    for then they are most flexible； and let them not

    too much apply themselves to the disposition of

    their children， as thinking they will take best to

    that， which they have most mind to. It is true， that

    if the affection or aptness of the children be extra-

    ordinary， then it is good not to cross it； but gener-

    ally the precept is good， optimum elige， suave et

    facile illud faciet consuetudo. Younger brothers

    are commonly fortunate， but seldom or never

    where the elder are disinherited.

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