英漢雙語笑話集錦1-bilingual joke collection one

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I Wasn't Asleep　　　When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied. The conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged him and said: "Wake up, sir!"　　　"I wasn't asleep," the man answered.　　　"Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed."　　　"I know. I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car."　　我沒有睡著　　當一群婦女上車之后，車上的座位全都被占滿了。售票員注意到一名男子好象是睡著了，他擔心這個人會坐過站，就用肘輕輕地碰了碰他，說：“先生，醒醒！”　　　 “我沒有睡著。”那個男人回答。　　　 “沒睡著？可是你眼睛都閉上了呀？”　　　 “我知道，我只是不愿意看到在擁擠的車上有女士站在我身邊而已。”The poor husband"You can't imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife," the man complained to his friend. "She asks me a question, then answers it herself, and after that she explained to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong.可憐的丈夫“你根本無法想象和我妻子打交道是多么的難，”一個男人對他的朋友訴苦說，“她問我一個問題，然后自己回答了，過后又花半個小時跟我解釋為什么我的答案是錯的Where is the father?　　　 Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.　　　 "Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!" 　　　 "Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?"　　　 The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures."　　父親在哪兒？　　　兄弟倆在看一些漂亮的油畫。　　　 “看，”哥哥說，“這些畫多漂亮呀！”　　　 “是啊，”弟弟說道，“可是在所有這些畫中，只有媽媽和孩子。那爸爸去哪兒了呢？”　　　哥哥想了會兒，然后解釋道：“很明顯，他當時正在畫這些畫唄。”　Does the dog know the proverb,　too?　　　 The little boy did not like the look of the barking dog.　　　 "It's all right," said a gentleman, "don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb: Barking dogs don't bite?"　　　 "Ah, yes," answered the little boy. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?"　　狗也知道這個諺語嗎？　　　一個小男孩非常不喜歡狗狂叫的樣子。　　　“沒有關系，”一位先生說，“不用害怕，你知道這條諺語嗎：‘吠狗不咬人。’”　　　“啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道嗎？”A Smart Housewife.　　A smart housewife was told that there was a kind of stove which would only consume half of the coal she was burning. She was very excited, and said: "That'll be terrific! Since one stove can save half of the coal, if I buy two, no coal will be needed!"　　精明的家庭主婦　　一位精明的家庭主婦聽人說有一種爐子用起來可以比她現在用的爐子省一半的煤。她聽了大為興奮，說：“那太好了！一個爐子可以省一半的煤，那么如果我買兩個爐子的話，不就可以把煤全都省下來了嗎？”

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