獨(dú)立寫作范文：如今的年輕人比以前更樂(lè)于助人（2013.1.26）

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Young people today are more likely to help others than young people in the past.
【譯文】你是否同意下面的陳述：現(xiàn)今年輕人比以前更樂(lè)于助人
【解析】有了解過(guò)托福考試官方指南(Official Guide)的同學(xué)都應(yīng)該知道獨(dú)立寫作5分原始分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)里面的第一條是“有效地回應(yīng)寫作話題和任務(wù)”
具體來(lái)說(shuō)，就是要求各位同學(xué)在看到題目之后，可以選用2-3個(gè)論點(diǎn)去論證自己的主要立場(chǎng)，這個(gè)立場(chǎng)就是全文的總論點(diǎn)，英文是‘Thesis’。很多同學(xué)的問(wèn)題在于，在文章開頭可以提出一個(gè)很清晰的立場(chǎng)，同時(shí)頭腦中大概也能想到支撐該立場(chǎng)的原因，但是在真正開始寫主體段的時(shí)候，所用的表達(dá)方式、所寫的句子就會(huì)讓人看得云里霧里！換句話說(shuō)，就是沒(méi)有很好地把關(guān)鍵內(nèi)容——整個(gè)段落里面的‘核心’用一句話寫下來(lái)，這句話叫做文章的主題句，英文是‘Topic Sentence’ (TS)。那么如何解決這個(gè)問(wèn)題呢？接下來(lái)我們就以下面這篇范文一起來(lái)探討一下。

In our country there has always been a spirit of volunteerism. As children, we are taught that helping those less fortunate is our responsibility. But unfortunately, the growing prosperity of the nation has placed an emphasis on materialism and individual success, creating a generation of youth that do not understand the meaning of being selfless. I believe young people today are not as charitable as previous generations of young people.
【譯文】在我們國(guó)家，始終有一種志愿精神的精神。從孩子時(shí)代起，我們就被教育說(shuō)，幫助那些不幸的人是我們的責(zé)任。但不幸的是，這個(gè)國(guó)家日益增長(zhǎng)的繁榮把重點(diǎn)放在了物質(zhì)主義和個(gè)人成功上，造就了一代不懂得無(wú)私的人。我認(rèn)為今天的年輕人不像前幾代年輕人那樣仁慈。
【解析】很多同學(xué)在拿到一個(gè)獨(dú)立寫作題目的時(shí)候，所面臨的第一個(gè)難點(diǎn)就是不知道該如何開頭。單刀直入的In my opinion，I agree…覺(jué)得太過(guò)簡(jiǎn)單粗暴，而花式開頭又不知該從何入手。本文通過(guò)描述與該題材關(guān)鍵詞相關(guān)的一些社會(huì)現(xiàn)狀、現(xiàn)象、問(wèn)題、趨勢(shì)等內(nèi)容來(lái)引入話題。然后直截了當(dāng)?shù)谋砻鲀A向性立場(chǎng)。不過(guò)建議可以注意對(duì)“我認(rèn)為”的表達(dá)，盡量避免使用“I think”、“I believe”等比較俗套的短語(yǔ)，可以使用比如“From my own perspective”, “I am inclined to”, “I am prone to”等表達(dá)方式。

The main reasons I am so skeptical of the inclination of today’s youth to help people is that they are spoiled. I remember when I was young and using a computer at the public library was a privilege. When my parents bought me my own computer when I went to university, I understood how much they sacrificed to give me that as a present. Nowadays, children see expensive computers, like the iPad and iPhone, as a necessity, not a privilege. They receive all these kinds of gifts without comprehending how much their parents sacrifice to give them the very best in the latest technology. They do not know what it is to be without. I believe this has created a generation of selfish young people who do not understand and cannot empathize with those less fortunate, making them less likely to feel compelled to help others.
【譯文】我對(duì)今天的年輕人更樂(lè)于助人這一點(diǎn)持懷疑態(tài)度，主要原因是現(xiàn)在的年輕人被寵壞了。我記得我年輕的時(shí)候在公共圖書館用電腦是一種特權(quán)。當(dāng)我上大學(xué)的時(shí)候，我的父母給我買了我自己的電腦，我知道他們?yōu)榱私o我這個(gè)禮物而犧牲了多少。如今，孩子們把像iPad和iPhone這樣的昂貴電腦視作必需品，而不是一種特權(quán)。他們收到了各種各樣的禮物，卻不知道他們的父母為了給他們最好的最新技術(shù)而犧牲了多少。他們不知道沒(méi)有的是什么。我相信，這造就了一代自私的年輕人，他們不理解，也不能同情那些不幸的人，讓他們不太可能去幫助別人。
【解析】段落的主題句可以出現(xiàn)在主體段落的開頭、結(jié)尾或者中間部分。但是我們建議各位同學(xué)在考托福的時(shí)候還是要將主題句寫在段落的首句，以便考官更好更快地抓到大家的分論點(diǎn)。然后關(guān)于主題句長(zhǎng)度的問(wèn)題，一般情況下，我們建議各位考生使用簡(jiǎn)單陳述句來(lái)表達(dá)觀點(diǎn)，句子長(zhǎng)度最好控制在15—20詞之間。本段一開始作者就明確表達(dá)自己持懷疑態(tài)度，并且表述了原因。后續(xù)舉例支持自己的分論點(diǎn)。

In addition, I think this generation has not learned to respect others. Trapped in their own digital world, they are unaware of the disrespect they show their elders when they ignore their parents and grandparents as they text and talk on their cellphones. Maybe that is not the sole cause, but I see a distinct difference between how they behave and how my generation behaved at that age. For example, when riding the bus, it is commonplace to offer your seat to an elderly gentleman or lady. Now, when I ride the bus, I constantly see young people who are sitting in the seats specifically reserved for senior citizens and who basically refuse to vacate the seat when a senior citizen enters the bus. Instead, they pretend to be more absorbed in the game on their iPhones, pretending to be unaware of their obligation to offer their chair to those in need. Today’s youth are so wrapped in their own self-interests that they are disrespectful and do not willingly help those in need.
【譯文】此外，我認(rèn)為這一代人還沒(méi)有學(xué)會(huì)尊重他人。他們被困在自己的數(shù)字世界里，沒(méi)有意識(shí)到他們對(duì)長(zhǎng)輩的不尊重，當(dāng)他們無(wú)視父母和祖父母在手機(jī)上發(fā)短信和聊天的時(shí)候。也許這并不是唯一的原因，但我看到他們的行為和我們這代人在那個(gè)時(shí)代的行為有明顯的不同。舉個(gè)例子，當(dāng)你坐公共汽車的時(shí)候，把座位讓給一位年長(zhǎng)的紳士或女士是很平常的事。現(xiàn)在，當(dāng)我坐公共汽車的時(shí)候，我經(jīng)常看到年輕人坐在專門為老年人預(yù)留的座位，當(dāng)一個(gè)老人坐上公共汽車時(shí)，他們基本上拒絕離開座位。相反，他們假裝自己更專注于iphone上的游戲，假裝不知道自己有義務(wù)為有需要的人提供椅子。如今年輕人是如此地沉浸在他們自己的利益之中，以至于他們不尊重別人，也不愿意幫助那些有需要的人。

【解析】主題句在段落中充當(dāng)著一個(gè) ‘路標(biāo)’（road map）的功能，它應(yīng)該包含著段落要展開的一個(gè)核心思想。本文作者在段首明確自己的觀點(diǎn)，認(rèn)為我們這一代人還沒(méi)有學(xué)會(huì)尊重他人。表達(dá)清楚，整個(gè)段落的核心內(nèi)容很明了。從內(nèi)容層面講，一個(gè)好的主題句一般都會(huì)包含以下兩個(gè)特征：
1. 包含論證的主題 (state the topic)
2. 提出個(gè)人對(duì)主題的明確觀點(diǎn)，而不僅僅是陳述一個(gè)事實(shí) (include clear personal ideas; do not just state the fact)

Admittedly, it is not entirely correct to say that all young people are selfish and do not help others. The number of volunteer organizations in schools and community suggests that there are many youths who understand the importance of helping our fellow man. I am certain there are many students who full-heartedly believe in volunteerism and charity, but I think that in general these school volunteer programs serve a selfish end. Volunteering has more or less become a requirement for college applications. A student who does not have any volunteer service experience is a less competitive applicant than one who does have volunteer service experience. Although there may be a few students who genuinely believe in the social responsibility of charity, many students participate simply to forward their own self-interests.
【譯文】誠(chéng)然，說(shuō)所有的年輕人都是自私的，不幫助別人是不完全正確的。在學(xué)校和社區(qū)里，志愿組織的數(shù)量表明，有許多年輕人明白幫助我們的同胞的重要性。我敢肯定，有許多學(xué)生完全相信志愿精神和慈善，但我認(rèn)為，總的來(lái)說(shuō)，這些學(xué)校的志愿者項(xiàng)目還是出于自私的目的。志愿活動(dòng)或多或少成為了大學(xué)申請(qǐng)的必要條件。一個(gè)沒(méi)有任何志愿服務(wù)經(jīng)驗(yàn)的學(xué)生，比一個(gè)有志愿服務(wù)經(jīng)驗(yàn)的學(xué)生更缺乏競(jìng)爭(zhēng)力。盡管可能有一些學(xué)生真正相信慈善的社會(huì)責(zé)任，但許多學(xué)生只是簡(jiǎn)單地參與到他們自己的自我利益中去。
【解析】托福考試官方指南(Official Guide)關(guān)于托福獨(dú)立寫作5分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)里面的第二條是“（文章）結(jié)構(gòu)/邏輯好、內(nèi)容拓展好，運(yùn)用了十分合適的解釋、例證、以及或者細(xì)節(jié)”，這要求考生在段落內(nèi)容拓展的時(shí)候要使用足夠的信息點(diǎn)（information）例如原因、例子和細(xì)節(jié)來(lái)支撐自己所寫該段的論點(diǎn)。作者每次提出一個(gè)分論點(diǎn)，都會(huì)舉一個(gè)具體示例去論證自己的觀點(diǎn)，使得內(nèi)容豐滿殷實(shí)。

Today’s youth, who have been raised in a period of affluence and privilege and do not understand what it means to have nothing, are self-centered, disrespectful, and less likely to help other than previous generations.
【譯文】今天的年輕人，和以前相比，他們?cè)诟辉：吞貦?quán)的時(shí)期長(zhǎng)大，不明白什么是一無(wú)所有，以自我為中心，不懂尊重，不太可能幫助別人。
【解析】面對(duì)托福獨(dú)立寫作，好的開頭固然重要，但是一個(gè)好的結(jié)尾，也能夠我們的作文增加分?jǐn)?shù)。一個(gè)好的結(jié)尾段應(yīng)該滿足如下幾個(gè)功能：1. 重申文章觀點(diǎn);2. 總結(jié)主體段落的論點(diǎn);3. 升華主題。

以上是今日為大家?guī)?lái)的獨(dú)立寫作范文：Young people today are more likely to help others than young people in the past.更多高分獨(dú)立范文解析，敬請(qǐng)關(guān)注小站托福頻道。

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