Kids deep in thoughtⅡ
From an actual newspaper contest where entrants ages 4 to 15 were asked to imitate Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey.
I gaze at the brilliant full moon. The same one, I think to myself, at which Socrates, Aristotle, and Plato gazed. Suddenly, I imagine they appear beside me. I tell Socrates about the national debate over one's right to die and wonder at the constancy of the human condition. I tell Plato that I live in the country that has come the closest to Utopia, and I show him a copy of the Constitution. I tell Aristotle that we have found many more than four basic elements and I show him a periodic table. I get a box of kitchen matches and strike one. They gasp with wonder. We spend the rest of the night lighting farts.
―― Age 15
When I go to heaven, I want to see my grandpa again. But he better have lost the nose hair and the old-man smell.
―― Age 5
I once heard the voice of God. It said "Vrrrrmmmmm." Unless it was just a lawn mower.
―― Age 11
I don't know about you, but I enjoy watching paint dry. I imagine that the wet paint is a big fresh water lake that is the only source of water for some tiny cities by the lake. As the lake gets drier, the population gets more desperate, and sometimes there are water riots. Once there was a big fire and everyone died.
―― Age 13
As you make your way through this hectic world of ours, set aside a few minutes each day. At the end of the year, you'll have a couple of days saved up.
―― Age 7
Often, when I am reading a good book, I stop and thank my teacher. That is, I used to, until she got an unlisted number.
―― Age 15
譯文:
摘自一份真實的報紙競賽, 在這項比賽中, 要求4-15歲的參賽者在語言上模仿杰克? 漢狄的"深思".
我盯著閃耀的滿月看, 我自己想, 蘇格拉底, 亞里斯多德和柏拉圖在盯著同一個月亮看. 突然, 我想象他們出現在我的身邊. 我告訴蘇格拉底關于國家在一個人死亡權上的爭論, 并且吃驚于持久不變的人類狀況. 我告訴柏拉圖我住在一個近乎完美的鄉村, 我給他看了憲法的副本. 我告訴亞里斯多德我們已經發現了遠不只四大基本元素, 并且給他展示了元素周期表. 我拿了一盒火柴, 劃亮了一根. 他們吃驚得倒吸口氣, 我們點燃著屁度過了余下的夜晚.
――15歲
當我到了天堂, 我想再次看見我的祖父. 但是他最好已經沒有了鼻毛和老年人的氣味.
―― 5歲
我曾聽過上帝的聲音. 他說: "嗡嗡嗡嗡嗡嗡嗡嗡", 除非那只是割草機的聲音.
―― 11歲
我不了解你, 但是我喜歡看著油漆變干. 我把濕油漆想象成一潭新鮮的湖水, 這是供給一些小城市的唯一水資源. 當湖變得越來越干涸, 人們會變得更加絕望, 有時還會發生 "水暴". 一旦發生一場大火, 那么每個人都會死掉.
―― 13歲
當你在這個忙碌的世界匆匆前行之時, 每天留出幾分鐘, 這樣到了年底的時候, 你就能攢上幾天了.
―― 7歲
我常常在讀到一本好書的時候, 會停下來感謝我的老師. 那是因為, 我過去并不是這樣的, 直到她得到了一份 "黑名單".
―― 15歲
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