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        英文笑話:Points 4 Man

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          Joke:Points 4 Man

          One single rule applies: Make the woman happy.

          Do something she likes & you get points.

          Do something she dislikes & points are subtracted.

          You don't get any points for doing something she expects.

          Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

          Here is a guide to the point system.

          Simple Duties

          You make the bed……+1

          You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows……0

          You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets……-1

          You leave the toilet seat up……-5

          You replace the toilet-paper roll when it's empty……0

          When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex……-1

          When the Kleenex runs out you shuffle slowly to the next bathroom……-2

          You go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light panty liners with wings……+5

          But return with beer……-5

          You check out a suspicious noise at night……0

          You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing……0

          You check out a suspicious noise and it's something……+5

          You pummel it with a six iron……+10

          It's her father……-10

          Social Engagements

          You stay by her side the entire party……0

          You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy……-2

          Named Tiffany……-4

          Tiffany is a dancer……-6

          Tiffany has implants……-8

          When mingling, you hold your girlfriend's hand and gaze at her lovingly……+1

          When mingling, you introduce her as "the ol' ball and chain" and pat her on the rump……-5

          When she points toward a hot-looking woman and asks you if you think she is attractive, you say, "Yes, but nowhere near as attractive as you"……+1

          When she points to a woman and asks if you think she's attractive,you say, "Yeah, but she's lousy in bed"……-6

          That woman is her sister……-90

          You have one drink, and that's it……0

          You have more than a few and perform the tango with a poodle……-2

          You have a lot of drinks, vaguely remember being fingerprinted……-18

          Saturday Afternoon

          You go to the shops together……+3

          You go to the shops, drop her off at the entrance, then park the car……+4

          You go to the shops, drop her off at the entrance, then drive to a sports bar……-2

          You spend the day shopping for furniture and pretend to like it……+3

          You spend the day shopping for furniture, and nap on a sofa……0

          You spend the day at a wholesale club, buying in bulk ……+3

          Most of it chips and beer ……-6

          You tackle a large household project, such as painting the lounge……+15

          Or refinishing the floors……+16

          Or rewiring the basement……+17

          Or adding a second floor……+18

          Or setting up a little hoop over the bathroom wastebasket……-6

          And you're tickled pink about it……-15

          You visit her parents…… 0

          You visit her parents and actually make conversation……+3

          You visit her parents and stare vacantly at the television……-3

          And the television is off……-6

          You spend the afternoon watching football in your underwear……-6

          And you don't even like football……-10

          And it's not your underwear……-15

          Her Birthday

          You take her out to dinner……0

          You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar……+1

          Okay, it is a sports bar……-2

          And it's all-you-can-eat night……-3

          It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted he colors of your favorite team……-10

          You go to a nice, pricey restaurant and hire a guitar player……+3

          You go to a pricey restaurant, hire a guitar player and get up and sing……+4

          If you stink……+2

          If you're not half bad……+5

          You get up and sing a Barry Manilow song, and you're escorted out to much applause……-2

          You give her a gift……0

          You give her a gift and it's a small electrical appliance ……-10

          You give her a gift and it's not a small electrical appliance……+1

          You give her a gift, and it isn't chocolate……+2

          You give her a gift that you'll be paying off for months……+30

          You wait until the last minute and buy her a gift that day……-10

          With her credit card……-30

          And whatever you bought is two sizes too big ……-40

          Thoughtfulness

          You forget her birthday completely……-20

          You forget your anniversary……-30

          You forget to pick her up at the bus station……-45

          Which is next to the red light district……-50

          A Night Out With The Boys

          Go out with a pal ……-5

          And the pal is happily married ……-4

          Or frighteningly single ……-7

          And he drives a Mustang……-10

          With a personalized license plate (GR8 N BED)……-15

          You have a few beers……-9

          And miss curfew by an hour……-12

          You miss curfew by an hour and you didn't call……-20

          You get home at 3 am……-30

          You get home at 3 am smelling of booze and cheap cigars ……-40

          And not wearing any pants……-50

          Is that a tattoo??……-200

          Her Night Out

          You stay home while she goes out with her annoying friend from work……+5

          She goes out with her annoying work friends, and she comes home

          late……+10

          You wait up……+15

          She goes out, comes home late and drunk, and you put her to bed……+20

          A Night At Home

          You watch TV together…… 0

          You rent a movie……+2

          You rent a movie and it's SENSE & SENSIBILITY ……+3

          It's SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you stay awake throughout……+5

          It's SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you fall asleep……-1

          It's SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you fall asleep and drool……-2

          A Night Out

          You take her to a movie……+2

          You take her to a movie she likes……+4

          You take her to a movie you hate ……+6

          You take her to a movie you like……-2

          It's called DeathCop 3(or Godzilla ) ……-3

          Which features cyborgs having sex……-9

          You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans……-15

          Flowers

          You buy her flowers only when it's expected…… 0

          You buy her flowers as a surprise, just for the hell of it ……+20

          You give her wildflowers you've actually picked yourself……+30

          And she contracts Lyme disease……-25

          Your Physique

          You develop a noticeable potbelly……-15

          You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it……+10

          You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts……-5

          Finances

          You spend a lot of money on something impractical……-5

          Something she can't use……-10

          Such a a motorized model airplane……-20

          And she got a small appliance for her birthday……-40

          Driving

          You lost the directions on a trip……-4

          You lost the directions and end up getting lost……-10

          You end up getting lost in a bad part of town ……-15

          You get lost in a bad part of town and meet the locals up close and personal……-25

          You know them……-60

          The Big Question

          She asks, "Do I look fat?" ……-5 (Sensitive questions always start witha deficit)

          You hesitate in responding……-10

          You reply, "Where?"……-35

          Communication

          When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression……0

          When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes……+5

          You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV……+10

          She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep……-20

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