English Humor Part 11
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Not a Good BoyPeter came back from school and said to his father happily, “Dad, our teacher asked us a question this morning. Only one student could answer it. Do you know who he is?” “No,” “It's me, Dad,” “You Oh, you are my good son. What did the teacher ask?” “Who broke the window?” To Make Mothers HappyBefore Mother's Day, the students were discussing how to make their mothers happy. At last they found there was only one thing they could do. That was not to take their school reports home. Why Is He Crying?“Tom, what's the matter with your brother?” asked the mother in the kitchen. “He's crying.”“Oh, nothing, Mum,” replied Tom, “I'm eating my cake. He is crying because I won't give him any.”“But has he finished his own cake?”“Yes,” said Tom, “and he also cried when I was helping him finish that!” What a pityFather: Do you have any homework today?Son: No, I have no homework today.Father: What a pity! I have to wash the dishes then. Where Is the Egg?Teacher: Can you make a sentence with the word “egg”?Student: Yes. I ate a piece of cake yesterday.Teacher: Then where is the “egg”?Student: In the cake, sir. Are They Sleeping?Little Tom said to his mother before he went to sleep, “Mummy, will you give me an apple?”“No, it is too late. The apples are sleeping now.”“No, the small ones may be sleeping now, but the big ones are not.” Tom shouted. At the CinemaTom: Grandpa, will you please give me two dollars? So I can go to see my mother and father.Grandpa: Where are your parents now?Tom: At the cinema. Half DeadJack can't swim. A few days ago he fell into the river. He called for help. A boy jumped into the river and pulled him out. “That boy saved your life,” said his wife. “Shouldn't we give him a pound?” “I was dead when he pulled me out.” Said Jack. “Give him 50 pence, dear.” The Plumber Is LatePlumber: I'm sorry I'm late, but I just couldn't get here any sooner.Man of the house: Well, time hasn't been wasted. While we were waiting for you, I taught my wife how to swim. A Polite HorseJack: Tom, how was the horse-riding yesterday?Tom: Not so bad. But my horse was too polite.Jack: Too polite?Tom: Yes. When we came to a fence, he let me go first. Doing a Good DeedDad: Did you do a good deed today?Son: Yes, Dad. Three other boys and I helped an old woman across the street.Dad: Why did it take four of you?Son: Because she didn't want to do that. It's Not My EarA man at work lost his ear in an accident and asked his friend to help him look for it. After a while, his friend found an ear, but the man said, “That's not my ear, mine had a pencil behind it.” The Wheels FirstFather: If this car is made of chocolate, which part will you eat first?Son: I will eat the wheels first.Father: But why?Son: Because the car can't run without its wheels.
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