英語幽默笑話

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Who Should be Given the Present? 禮物該給誰？

　　 A father of five came home with a toy, summoned his children and asked which one of them should be given the present, “Who is the most obedient, never talks back to mother and does everything he or she is told?” he inquired. There was silence and then a chorus of voices: “You play with it, Daddy!” 一個有五個孩子的父親帶著一件玩具回到家里，把孩子們召集來問這件禮物應(yīng)該給誰。“誰最聽話，從不和媽媽頂嘴，讓干什么就干什么？”他問道。
　大家都不吭聲。過了一會兒，孩子們異口同聲地說：“爸爸，您玩兒吧。”

Joke:The Clock

Hillary Clinton died and went to heaven. As she stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates she saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.

She asked, "What are all those clocks?"???

St Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."

"Oh," said Hillary, "who's clock is that?"

"That's Mother Theresa's. The hands have never moved indicating that she never told a lie."

"Who's clock is that?" "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have only moved twice telling us that Abe only told 2 lies in his entire life."

"Where is Bill's clock?" Hillary asked.

"Bill's clock is in Jesus' office. He is using it as a ceiling fan."
Joke:American Soldier

An American soldier,　serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense　action on the German front lines. He had finally been granted R&R and　was on a train bound for London. The train was very crowded, so the soldier　walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat.

The only unoccupied　seat was directly adjacent to a well-dressed middle-aged lady and was　being used by her little dog. The war weary soldier asked, "Please, ma'am,　may I sit in that seat?" The English woman looked down her nose at the　soldier, sniffed and said, "You Americans. You are such a rude class of　people. Can't you see my little Fifi is using that seat?"

The soldier walked　away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down　to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the　dog. Again he asked, "Please, lady. May I sit there? I'm very tired. The　English woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, "You Americans! Not only　are you rude, you are also arrogant. Imagine!" The soldier didn't say　anything else; he leaned over, picked up the little dog, tossed it out　the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat.

The woman shrieked　and railed, and demanded that someone defend her and chastise the soldier.　An English gentleman sitting across the aisle spoke up, "You know, sir,　you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You　eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong　side of the road. And now, sir, you've thrown the wrong bitch out the　window."

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