托福獨立寫作滿分范文點評：電影和電視的利弊

在托福獨立寫作的備考過程中，想要沖刺滿分并不是想象中的那么簡單。除了在平時不斷的練習之外，匯總和整理一些相關的例證，看一寫好的范文都是會給我們的提分帶來很大的幫助。那么，在以下的內(nèi)容中就為大家?guī)硪黄懈懽鳚M分范文，大家要細細琢磨一些其中的點評哦。

托福寫作題目：

A/D Movies and televisions have more negative effects than positive effects on the way young people behave.

30分作文也沒有那么難做到啦。這是一篇近期考出30分寫作的同學的考前習作。這個考試季很多同學反映寫作壓分，30分的作文單項分已經(jīng)很罕見。我們一起看看，在這個季節(jié)，什么樣的作文能穩(wěn)穩(wěn)拿下考場高分。

總結一下幾個要點

1. 清晰有力的論證邏輯

2. 準確的用詞

3. 句式的適當變化，如排比，虛擬，短句的偶爾出現(xiàn)。

4. 小錯誤多次出現(xiàn)可以容忍

托福寫作滿分作文：

Whenever I turn on TV, I see dark themes and plots of programs broadcast on it. Just calculate roughly, there are about 30 programs whose theme is pessimistic in every 40 programs. 【眼尖的同學一眼能看出來幾處語法錯誤，顯然ETS不那么介意;我們要學習的是作者用數(shù)字說明問題】And there are so many plots orienting adults that should not be seen by young people.【上面兩個句子點出電視節(jié)目的兩個問題，為論點的出現(xiàn)做充足鋪墊】So I strongly believe that movies and televisions have more negative effects than positive effects on the way young people behave. 【出論點，論點句要穩(wěn)扎穩(wěn)打，千萬別此刻玩花的，花大了別人沒看懂就麻煩了】This is not only because young people will imitate the inappropriate behavior in the programs, but also because the dark theme of them will distort the way young people view the world.【預告自己的兩個分論點，老套的開頭結構，勝在穩(wěn)重清晰】

Firstly, young people may imitate the bad behavior they saw on televisions and movies.【同樣，觀點句不許玩花的，老實點兒】 Young people, especially children, are not sophisticated enough to think about the consequences【用詞準確】 or their behavior carefully, and they are often eager to try new things 【解釋論點句為什么成立--因為年輕人有這些特性】. Television programs and movies often include some violent behavior in them in order to make the plots more inviting【用詞準確】 and attract more people to watch.【重申電視節(jié)目的特點，暴力鏡頭多，與上一句‘年輕人愛模仿’的信息合起來為下一句短句的力量制造必要條件】 So here is the problem【我們一再強調(diào)的短句的力量】. Young people will probably try those inappropriate【用詞準確】 behaviors they saw on televisions, thinking they are normal or acceptable.【換個方式把論點句重新說了一遍，但并不讓人覺得重復，因為順承上文的邏輯推理而成立。全段沒有一個例子，直接用純論證完成，功力可見】

Secondly, lots of pessimistic themes of television programs or movies will make young people feel sad about the world. 【雖然主語長了一些，但作為論點句，依然是經(jīng)典的主謂賓結構，簡潔明了】As mentioned in the former paragraph, there are violence in TV programs and movies, and young people may not only imitate those bad behaviors, but also affected by the sad view in these programs.【借力上一段的內(nèi)容，回點上段，增加文章內(nèi)部的粘結力，但是在上一段所討論信息的基礎上向前推進一步，推出新論點，經(jīng)典的承上啟下結構】 Because they are during a period when their ways of looking at the world are formed, seeing too much about the dark side of the society is no good for their growth.【解釋上一句為什么成立--因為年輕人世界觀正在成形,應該用being formed 而不是are formed，但這種小錯誤不影響高分】It can create a false sense of reality【用詞準確，來自平時的積累】, as if the only newsworthy events are those that are tragic or violent. They may form a bad habit of always looking at people or events from a dark point of view, feeling hopeless and despairing, even conducting some self-destructive behaviors.【這個列舉的句子如果從sat語法的角度來說也是錯誤多多的……不過從語義上來說，做了一個因勢利導夸大其詞的論證推斷，三個列舉層層遞進互為因果，還是實現(xiàn)了列舉的修辭效果的】

Admittedly, there are some programs trying to convey optimistic view to viewers, but their plots are so unrealistic that they cannot convince young people. 【讓步段第一句話，先提出自己之前的論證沒有正視的情況，再明確指出這種情況的致命缺點】And they tell stories in a too exaggerating way, making stories more unconvincing. 【補刀】For example【全文都沒有舉例論證，到這里實在摒不住了，呵呵】, once I saw a TV program on the daily life of a couple. In order to convey【用詞準確】 the view that ‘if you do good things, you will always get want you want’, the program told a story that the young man picks up 10000 dollars three times a week just because he always helps his neighbors and the god is touched by him! What a ridiculous story! If I were a child, I would have no desire to do good things, as I didn’t believe I would pick up so much money no matter how many good things I did.【這個虛擬語氣的使用信手拈來，適合各種假設狀況的探討】 So even if there are some programs with optimistic themes, I don’t think they will impact young people more than those with pessimistic themes. 【總結這個例子對于自己論點的意義，再次強化自己的立場】

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