雅思作文點評：國際旅游利大于弊

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　　Some people think the advantages of international tourism outweigh its disadvantages. To what extent do you agree?
　　Recently, it is reported that tourism covers a growing proportion of gross global production, from which we can conclude that there is an increasing tendency for people to experience the joys of travel. In the circumstances, some people suppose that the benefits from international tourism are more important than its negative effects. But, I hold the opposite opinion with three reasons given in the following text（這句改成as follows是不是好一點）. （66words）
　　結(jié)構(gòu)分析：這段的寫法比較典型，還是受到了培訓(xùn)的影響，最后1句不是直接提出自己的觀點，而是引出下文。我想指出的是，這種寫法當(dāng)然是可以的，但是如果把此段下文的3個分論點總結(jié)一下，在第1段直接表達出來，效果會不會更好呢？！大家可以嘗試一下。此外，第1段稍微有點長，實戰(zhàn)中寫那么多會不會影響速度呢？！
　　語言方面：不錯?。?！從正確性來說已經(jīng)很不錯了，而且句子還使用了一些從句。我的第1印象是7分起評！
　　Admittedly, international tourism can bring money and job opportunities to many countries, especially some developing countries, such as Thailand, Philippines, where tourism plays a vital role in domestic economy. However, tourism, with irretrievable damages to the ecosystem, gives rise to serious contamination. In most travel resorts(好像holiday resort比較常見吧，或者你是想說tourist attraction, scenic spots等等？？？), some tourists always abandon rubbish（這個動賓搭配的怎么感覺那么怪?。。。?anywhere instead of into the ash-bins. Furthermore, some carve their names on the trees or stones, only for marking（這個很明顯是Chinese English了，應(yīng)該是to mark不定式作目的狀語吧） the spots where they used been（？？？這個錯誤有點低級吧?。。。? Unfortunately, it is not only purely ecosystems which are destroyed（又是chinese english!!!你是不是想說Not only has the ecosystem been damaged, but some ancient monuments are under attack）, but also some ancient monuments. With the awareness of environmental pollution, now, the concept of “sustainable tourism” has been focused on, which gave(為什么要用過去時？！) birth to “eco-tourism”. Whereas,（它是連詞，不可以這樣用的，用法相當(dāng)于while，自己查，這個我就不浪費筆墨了?。。。?so-called “eco-tourism”, I am afraid, can not help at all. People are so attracted by this new tourism style. Ironically, some countryside where used to be peaceful（很明顯，首先定于從句沒學(xué)好！應(yīng)該是which/that used be，因為這里需要個充當(dāng)主語的關(guān)系代詞！）, with their capacities challenged, now are（應(yīng)該倒一下吧?。。≡僮x讀看，是不是） ruined by ever（even吧） more visitors. (152words)
　　點評：這段不用我評了吧，一目了然?。?！但是有一點要補充一下:作者的語言水平給我的第一感覺是很不錯，應(yīng)該完全是7分的水平，因為她完全具有寫長句的能力，但是，沒想到，我仔細一看，有些地方是中式英語，有些地方么也有語法錯誤，但是比較一般錯誤的句子，這些句子不仔細看的話，感覺到很好！！！這個作者的文章挺有意思的，大家可以仔細分析一下！
　　此外，這段也寫得太長了吧，看看下面幾段，明顯虎頭蛇尾！要注意內(nèi)容的分配，不要差太多了！??！
　　In addition, often a large amount of money are（都知道m(xù)oney是不可數(shù)，你還用are，你是想氣死考官，還是想氣死我?。。。。?needed to attract tourists. Instead of the（這里不可數(shù)名詞表泛指，所以the就不需要了） agriculture or industry, useless recreation facilities may be built up. Then, tremendous capital may be wasted rather than providing（明顯沒有符合平行結(jié)構(gòu)！應(yīng)該是may be wasted rather than provided） for basic needs. (38words)考試用書
　　點評：明顯詞數(shù)偏少，論證不充分，內(nèi)容上有缺陷！
　　More seriously, tourism is not an independent industry(請大家注意，這里industry是行業(yè)的意思，作者用的很好，大家千萬不要搞錯了，和上面的industry不一樣的意思！). It is affected by many variable factors, such as tourist tastes, weather, or natural disasters. For instance, tsunami from the Indian Ocean in 2004 swept Maldives relentlessly, which made the tourism market there almost collapse. (43words)
　　點評：此段還可以，沒有明顯錯誤，內(nèi)容上還過得去，再充實點就好了。
　　In conclusion, I am convinced that it is wrong to outweigh（自己看看這里outweigh用的對不對，是誰outweigh the advantages??？?。?the advantages of international tourism. In spite of its contribution to the global economy, the sharply developing tourism is not worth for people being too optimistic（這個句型都錯?。。?！該打！中學(xué)就教過了，這里用worthwhile，后面應(yīng)該是to be optimistic?。。。?to some extent. (40words)（339words）
　　總評：看完了全文，我的感覺是該作者應(yīng)該是讀過大學(xué)英語的，因為從語言的老練性來說還可以，我能感覺到。但是，可以看得出，作者平時閱讀有一定的量，但肯定不怎么寫文章，所以有的地方寫得很好，有的錯誤卻很低級！！！
　　從這篇文章，我要再次聲明：英語水平再高的同學(xué)，如果不練習(xí)寫作，照樣得低分！！！此文，6分。