BEC名師點評作文（12）
BEC商務(wù)英語考試在現(xiàn)在的考試形式占有重要的地位，當今社會不論是學(xué)生還是職場人都在努力的奮斗這提升自己的能力和晉升的空間，那么我們該怎么樣復(fù)習(xí)好BEC英語呢!
我覺得用中文寫一篇高質(zhì)量的圖表說明文很不簡單，何況用英文，必須對圖表的總體特征、主要對象走勢、最大值、最小值、轉(zhuǎn)折點等關(guān)鍵點做出簡明扼要的陳述。好在說明文相對比較機械，還是有規(guī)律可循。我對課堂資料進行了一番整理，總結(jié)出一些常用句型和詞匯，背誦了幾篇范文，很快就上手了。下面是一些老師的點評，希望對大家有所幫助。
作文題目
Your department needs to recruit more staff.Your line manager wants you to write a reportexplaining your requirements and commenting onrecruitment methods.
Look at the information below, on which youhave already made some handwritten notes.
Then, using all your handwritten notes, writeyour report.
Write 120-140 words.
老師對本期網(wǎng)友作文總體點評：
大部分同學(xué)的問題比較集中
1. 審題不細致，題目沒有要求的，寫了很多，這就浪費了篇幅;
2. 句子顧前不顧后，前后時態(tài)，時間矛盾;
3. 詞匯基本功有待加強;
4. 沒有商務(wù)背景，作文中的句子空洞，沒有實際意義;
5. 用了很多主觀態(tài)度的句子。
本期作文范文參考：
Report on staff recruitment
As our company is developing several new products, the department of R&D needsnew staff urgently to help design and monitor our products.
Thus we need to recruit 35 new staff, including electrical engineers and product developers.All of them should have at least two years ' experience in relevant field. More specificrequirements will finally be decided in a few days.
As to recruitment methods, the disadvantage of relying on recruitment agency is that weneed more time and procedure than we can afford. So I suggest we turn to a more direct wayof Newspaper advertisement, which has been used many times and proved effective.
Comparing the two newspaper, Echo and Chronicle, we prefer the former because though itcharges ￡500 more than the latter, the general readers are 400,000 more, most of whom arehighly-educated.
We are sure to get reply soon after we launch the recruitment campaign.
網(wǎng)友作文一：
As the new project will be set off this year, our department needs to recruit 35 newemplyees[1]. The new staffs[2] shall have ability including innovation, teamwork, hard-working,goo manner.[3]
There exists three ways to recruit new staffs[2]: Newspaper(Echo)advertisments,Recurimet agency, Online recuriment.All of them have its advantages anddisadvantages, so we shall use all of them to assure high-qualified staffs can see theinformation. [4]For the Recuriment agency, the efficiency is low but it probably can offergood[5] qulified people. WHy i chose echo instead of Chronic as it has much more readers withonly five hundred dollors higher.
_________________________________________
[1]拼寫是BEC作文中很重要的給分原則。
[2]基本詞匯不過關(guān)，staff 是集合名詞，不用復(fù)數(shù)
[3]這看起來是招聘廣告上的東西吧，很抽象。審題要看懂要求，what type of staff 是指要招聘什么部門的員工。
[4]廢話一句，可以去掉。題目要求是寫出recruitment agency 的缺點，當然任何一種招聘方式都各有優(yōu)缺，所以直接寫disadvantage 。
[5]去掉，形容詞怎么能修飾形容詞
網(wǎng)友作文二：
Dear Paddy, [1]
Now our company has already put into a right path. I think[2] we should build an[3]complete organization in order to lead our company to obtain better and longer development. [4] So we need recruite 35 new staff allocated in 4 departments.
Please check the following list:
Dept. No. Duty
Personnel Dept. 2 Staff Management
Marketing Dept. 5 Marketing research and plan
QC Dept. 5 Control the quality of products
Sales Dept. 20 Product promotion in domestic
International business Dept. 3 Product promotion overseas[5]
Regarding with possible recruitment methods, there are the following three:
1) Recruitment agency.
The method is the best popular way in market. But considering that the cost is muchhigher, I don't suggest we adopt it.
2) Newspaper advertisement
It is a economical method compared with the first one. Though we used many timesbefore,it also could enlarges the popalarity of our company.
3) Online recruitment [6]
It is the best economical method.But it has large limits.And couldn't have the interviewface to face.
So after the comparison, I think the second way is most suitable for us. Now I have twochoice in Newspaper. One is Echo, the other is Chronicle. Numbers sold each day of Echo is600,000, and cost of advertisement is just 2500. But The numbers sold each day of Chronicleis 200,000, less than the first, and cost of 2000 is not cheap. Echo could let more readers knowthis recruition of our company.lSo Echo is our best choice.
How about your considering?
I am awaiting for your advice.
Best wishes,
Jerry [7]
_________________________________________
[1]這不是寫信，怎么有稱呼
[2]報告中沒有主觀的表達，去掉
[3]這是什么?
[4]原因不具體，公司至于為了長久發(fā)展招聘員工?
[5]這占了報告很大一部分，喧賓奪主了。
[6]跑題了，考題中并沒有讓考生陳述各個招聘方式的優(yōu)缺。
[7]這不是報告的格式，整體結(jié)構(gòu)錯誤
網(wǎng)友作文三：
With the increasing of our new market in New York, our department needs to recruit 35new staffs in sales area. Totally, there are three ways to recruit our new staff, by recruitmentagency, Online recruitment or Newspaper advertisement. I don't think the way of recruitment bythe agency which will take high cost for each new staff of all 35 staffs is a good one. [1]
And I suggest our recruitment should be done through the Newspaper advertisement that weused many times before.
There are two major local newspapers- Echo and Chronicle, which (we can choose for ourrecruiment).[2] The Echo has an average sale mumber of 600,000 each day comparing with thatof 200,000 of Chronicle. [3]
Needless to say we should choose Echo because we can let three times readers more thanChronicle's know our recruitment advertisment using almost the same money of 2000 pounds.
_________________________________________
[1]句子邏輯不清楚, 改為：the disadvantage of using recruitment agency is it is not cost-effective.
[2]去掉
[3]重要原因沒有陳述，BEC中一直都很在意的，成本。
網(wǎng)友作文四：
Report on Staff Recruitment
Our products have taken a big business market[1] last year and the business orders tendto increase. In order to meet production requirements, we need to recruit 35 workers at thebegin[2] of the coming year.
There are usually three recruiting methods now, namely Recruitment agency, onlinerecruitment and Newspaper advertisement. I propose to use Newspaper advertisement. As youknow[3] it is high cost to recruit worker by Recruitment agency and few workers find jobthrough internet[4], so both of them are[5] not suit for worker recruitment. There are twopopular newspapers now -Echo and Chronicle. I think the Echo is better than Chroniclebecause it has 600,000 pieces sold each day though it cost $500 higher than the latter. It isworth of it.
_________________________________________
[1]market share
[2]Beginning
[3]報告類文章誰是讀者?怎么主語會用you?
[4]去掉，考題要求中沒有提。
[5]改為：do
網(wǎng)友作文五：
Recruitment report
Since our company made a coorperation with the IBM,our department needs to recruit 35new staffs, so that we could get the work done. The new staffs includes[1] project manager,accountant, translator, and client manager.
I don't think to get a Recruitment agency is good choice. Because the agency just don'tunderstand[2] what we really want. And they all demand a great deal of money. I still thinkthat Newspaper advertisement is the most efficient way to get people we really like[3].
Echo, as we know,sold 600000 newspapers every single day[4], and it cost $2500,for anadvertisement.Chronicle, takes $2000 for an advertisement[5]. Despite[6] it less than Echo with$500,however,Chronicle just sold 200000 newspapers everyday, that far far behind Echo.
Therefore,I think Echo is a better choice.
_________________________________________
[1]矛盾了，改掉一個
[2]同上
[3]Need
[4]句子前后矛盾
[5]和前句重復(fù)
[6]Despite 是個介詞
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