愛你，但與性無關
Loving You, but Not in That Way
潘亭婷 譯
Tomorrow is the one day of the year in which couples, in love, are required by Hallmark to say to another “Yes, it's true. I actually do love you. Here's a card, some flowers, let's go eat a steak in the shape of a heart.” This simple, restorative1 ritual suspends, for just one day, the fear that we've wound up with the completely wrong person.
But for far too long, boyfriends, girlfriends and married people have had a stranglehold2 on Valentine's Day. It's as if Hallmark's High Holiday has been reserved for only the 'in love'. A day of consummation3, not communion. Because if you're not sharing a bed, you're not welcome. Isn't it time to allow everyone to participate in the Valentine tradition? To say “Hey, I love you, but not in that way.” Because for many, best friends are spouses, family, our most cherished loved ones. And yet, for best friends there is no holiday celebrating their partnership and how deeply they care for each other. Non-bed-sharers, make tomorrow your day to tell someone you don't love in that way that you love them.
Here's how to say it without them freaking out4. Guys, you can't give your best friend chocolates or flowers. Instead for Valentine's day, get his car detailed -you know how he likes it. Or get him a card that says 'Hey, I love your tie.' But add somewhere 'Hope my girlfriend gets me one just like it.' Men can also get a buddy at the office a Valentine Greeting. He'll never hear from his girlfriend or wife 'I love your work. Happy Valentine's Day.' As a more daring gesture gentleman, a bit of the bard goes a long way5: 'Roses are red, violets are blue. Hey, I'm not gay, but dude, I love you.' Ladies, there's always putting pen to paper with those three little words every woman loves to hear: 'Your shoes rock.' Or still, even more affectionate without any sexual overtones, 'Oh my god, I love your hair.' On Valentine's Day, tell her something she'll never hear from a guy, like 'Hey, let's get a MAP6' or 'You were right.' Send your boss a Valentine, send your letter carrier a Valentine, or a soldier, or heck, send the president a Valentine that says: “I love you sir, for not eavesdropping7 on me.”
This Valentine's Day, let your voice be heard. Even if you have no Valentine, no friends, let alone a spouse, aim Cupid's arrow at anyone. It might feel strange, but it'll hurt less than a chest full of birdshot8.
1. restorative /rI`storEtIv/ a. 促使復的，恢復精神的。
2. stranglehold /`strA9gL,hold/ n. 束縛。
3. consummation /,kansE`meSEn/ n. 完婚，（關系的）實現。
4. freak out：（使）大吃一驚，（使）感到困惑（或生氣等）。
5. go a long way：大有幫助，起重要作用。
6. MAP （Magnesium Ascorbyl Phosphate）：維他命C磷酸鎂鹽，一種美白成份。在美白產品的各種維他命C衍生物中，MAP穩定性最高，較能抗光、熱、空氣氧化，不易變質，延續有效運作時間。
7. eavesdrop /`Ivz,drap/ v. 偷聽，竊聽。此處諷刺美國國家安全局自2001年“9?11”事件發生后，秘密搜集普通美國人的電話通話記錄，以圖建立一個可以把美國所有電話通話都納入其中的龐大數據庫。
8. full of birdshot：birdshot指射鳥用的小號鉛彈，該詞組可以理解為“千瘡百孔”。
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