雅思寫作批改實錄 5分到7分的變身

題目

Some people think that people can not benefit from international travel. Why is this case? How can people improve their understanding of other countries?

學生習作

Nowadays, life quality has been improved. Many people choose go travel abroad, but some people think that is not benefit from travel to the other counties. In my opinion, international travel is the best way to understanding other countries.

personally, some people think why people cannot benefit from international travel is they might never go travel abroad. Travel is my favorite thing. I have been travel to 10 countries. I met a lot interesting things for every times travel, although the countrywhich I go there for the second time. I totally disagree people just use book or Internet to understand the other counties.

Firstly, before I went to Singapore, I knew the official language in Singapore is English, but when I been there I found Singaporean usually speak Singlish. Singlish is the language that include English, Cantonese, Hokkien and Malay. For example they call milk tea ‘Teh’ and coffee as ‘kopi’. I haven’t known that on the book or Internet before I went to Singapore. The overseas information are very limit on the book or internet and the most book has similar content to describe a country. We have to stay their to real understanding the local customs and habits. Secondly, the process of travel is the best moment for me. I can taste the special local food and I can social with local people to know the country better. I prefer independent travel to guide tour. The time and schedule is freer for Independent travel.

Admittedly, book and Internet are both the good way for people to understanding other counties. But real travel to the counties can know the local culture more understanding.

評分：5

點評：圍繞題目要求，結合自己經歷，因此內容比較充實，具體。基本能夠用英語表達自己的意思，詞匯使用顯示出一定的幅度，但無論詞匯使用和復雜句型使用，都出現了較多錯誤，有些甚至影響了理解。

建議：進一步練習英語句子的基本結構，確保先不犯大的語法錯誤。在用漢語思考的時候，想辦法將比較復雜的漢語轉化為更簡單的漢語，然后用英語去表達。多練習寫，并請人修訂語法錯誤，總結出自己錯誤傾向，并專門予以改正。

預期：該生有一定基礎，有一定寫作能力，只要減少句子寫作錯誤，有機會沖擊6分或者6.5分。

修改版

Nowadays, life quality has been improved. Many people choose go travel abroad, but some people think that is not benefit from travel to the other counties. In my opinion, international travel is the best way to understanding other countries.

Nowadays, life quality has been improved. Many people choose to go travel abroad, but some people think they do not benefit from travel to other countries. In my opinion, international travel is the best way to understand other countries.

Personally, some people think why people cannot benefit from international travel is they might never go travel abroad. Travel is my favorite thing. I have been travel to 10 countries. I met a lot interesting things for every times travel, although the countrywhich I go there for the second time. I totally disagree people just use book or Internet to understand the other counties.

Personally, I think the reason why people think they cannot benefit from international travel is that they have never gone abroad. Travel is my favorite thing. I have traveledto 10 countries. I met a lot of interesting things during my travel, even when I went to a country for the second time. I totally disagree that people just use books or Internet to understand other countries.

Firstly, before I went to Singapore, I knew the official language in Singapore is English, but when I been there I found Singaporean usually speak Singlish. Singlish is the language that include English, Cantonese, Hokkien and Malay. For example they call milk tea ‘Teh’ and coffee as ‘kopi’. I haven’t known that on the book or Internet before I went to Singapore. The overseas information are very limit on the book or internet and the most book has similar content to describe a country. We have to stay their to real understanding the local customs and habits. Secondly, the process of travel is the best moment for me. I can taste the special local food and I can social with local people to know the country better. I prefer independent travel to guide tour. The time and schedule is freer for Independent travel.

For example, before I went to Singapore, I knew that official language in Singapore is English, but when i visited this country i found Singaporean usually speak Singlish,which is a language that combines English, Cantonese, Hokkien and Malay. For example, they call tea ‘Teh’ and coffee “kopi”. I had not known that on books or Internet before I went to Singapore. The information is usually very limited on books or Internet and they often offer similar information about a country, so we have to stay in a foreign country in order to really understand the local customs and styles. In addition, when I am traveling, I can taste the special local food and I can social with local people to know the country better.

Admittedly, book and Internet are both the good way for people to understanding other counties. But real travel to the counties can know the local culture more understanding.

Admittedly, books and Internet are both the good ways for people to understand other countries, yet traveling to these countries in person, we will know, feel and taste their authentic culture.

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