盤點(diǎn)雅思寫作大作文之7宗罪（中）

雅思寫作是極難的，要提高也是極不容易的，6分是一個(gè)大檻，大部分烤鴨會(huì)被卡于此。而以上，每0.5分都是一個(gè)不小的檻。究其原因，是烤鴨們多少都帶著中式寫作教育下的原罪。本文將一一對(duì)其進(jìn)行案例解讀，進(jìn)行雅思寫作必經(jīng)的贖罪之旅。

4. 語法問題遍布

語法錯(cuò)誤，可以說是所有纏繞烤鴨的痼疾中最難以根除殺傷力最持久的一項(xiàng)，被許多烤鴨所忽視，但是事實(shí)上，對(duì)雅思寫作的成績具有致命威脅的一宗罪。

還是看實(shí)例，大家可以一起來找茬

Last but not least, those who lacks skills to deal with people and fails to control their emotions would more likely to form prejudice during their international travel. It is a common situation to get cheated by people there for the reason of ignorance of local situation. Necessarily, open-minded is required to deal with unjudged treatments. Otherwise the bad memories would not only affect the journey but lead to the prejudice towards all the citizens of the place.

再來看結(jié)果

Last but not least, those who lacks(lack) skills to deal with people and fails(fail) to control their emotions would (be)more likely to form prejudice during their international travel. It is a common situation to get cheated by people there for the reason of ignorance of local situation. Necessarily, open-minded(open-mindedness) is required to deal with unjudged(這個(gè)詞是什么意思?unfair吧?)treatments. Otherwise the bad memories would not only affect the journey but lead to the prejudice towards all the citizens of the place.

語法和詞匯是語言的兩大基石。在雅思的寫作中，所有渴望高分的烤鴨無不希望能有一雙讓自己自由翱翔的翅膀。可是很多時(shí)候，語法基礎(chǔ)的薄弱，讓不少人在嘗試復(fù)雜句型時(shí)頻頻出錯(cuò)，而另一方面，最基礎(chǔ)的一些語法，如名詞單復(fù)數(shù)，冠詞，動(dòng)詞時(shí)態(tài)等又時(shí)常被很多人忽視，于是一篇用詞屌屌，思路濤濤，自我感覺甚好的文章被打入6—的冷宮時(shí)，某些人可能還不知罪在何處。

因?yàn)橛行┕渫馕恼搲慕?jīng)驗(yàn)，跟國內(nèi)論壇進(jìn)行，國人在遣詞造句時(shí)，對(duì)語法的要求真的是很low，各種錯(cuò)字，錯(cuò)詞，莫名其妙的表達(dá)層出不窮，而我們大都淡然。所以，這種隨意也自然地在很多人的作文中得到了體現(xiàn)。學(xué)好語法，重視語法，只會(huì)讓自己的雅思備考之路越走越寬。

5. 實(shí)例代替論證

用實(shí)例代替論證，簡而言之，就是主體段在觀點(diǎn)句之后，用一個(gè)實(shí)際的例子完成了所有的論證。請(qǐng)看實(shí)例。

還是關(guān)于“老一輩的傳統(tǒng)觀念是否還適用于現(xiàn)在的社會(huì)”的話題

①However, not all past views are proper. Some of them have limitation themselves initially. Typical example is the traditional view of gender. In the past, women are regarded as a role that can only assist men instead of being independent. This traditional view results to an unequal position between man and women no matter in education or job market. This, actually, hinders the development of our society. The main reason is that it ignores females’ special talent and limits females to contribute to the world. Nowadays, increasing amount of women start to fight with this unfair views and it definitely benefit our world.

②The virtual of trust and credit could be another vivid example to demonstrate the significance of traditional values. In the past, people would make every effort to keep their promises and try to bean honest one. In comparison, people currently become more practical and put less attention on morality. It can be easily heard from the media about the news of cheating and many critics have created a new term of crisis of trust between people. Consequently, there is no doubt to refute these old yet precious ideas.

①當(dāng)中，共8句話，從第3句話開始，全部是實(shí)例。②更夸張，整段都是實(shí)例。

有些人寫作，舉不出例子，有些人寫作，能用例子來代替論證，真是有些無奈。這其實(shí)也說明了雅思寫作的難與模式化。

用實(shí)例貫穿整個(gè)主體段，從根本原因來說，大約是思辨能力不夠，無法對(duì)這個(gè)話題展開更多的純粹思辨過程。所以，平時(shí)多對(duì)雅思的話題進(jìn)行正反兩方面的思考，同時(shí)注意收集素材，十分重要。

有考官曾向人祭出了他的超級(jí)寫作模板，13句訣。粗看實(shí)在讓人難以置信，但是，滿分作文，就是這么這么寫出來的。

他說：It surprises some people when I tell them that they only need to write 13 sentences for writing task 2:

Introduction(開頭段): 2句

First main body paragraph(主體段1): 5 句

Second main body paragraph(主體段2): 5 句

Conclusion(結(jié)尾): 1 句

Please note: It is not a 'rule' that you must write 13 sentences. This is just my approach or method.

對(duì)于他的主體段的5句，也可以再細(xì)分一下：觀點(diǎn)句1+支撐句2+例子2

索性貼一篇他的9分作文吧：

People have different views about whether we are more or less dependent on others nowadays. In my view, modern life forces us to be more independent than people were in the past.

There are two main reasons why it could be argued that we are more dependent on each other now. Firstly, life is more complex and difficult, especially because the cost of living has increased so dramatically. For example, young adults tend to rely on their parents for help when buying a house. Property prices are higher than ever, and without help it would be impossible for many people to pay a deposit and a mortgage. Secondly, people seem to be more ambitious nowadays, and they want a better quality of life for their families. This means that both parents usually need to work full-time, and they depend on support from grandparents and babysitters for child care.

However, I would agree with those who believe that people are more independent these days. In most countries, families are becoming smaller and more dispersed, which means that people cannot count on relatives as much as they used to. We also have more freedom to travel and live far away from our home towns. For example, many students choose to study abroad instead of going to their local university, and this experience makes them more independent as they learn to live alone. Another factor in this growing independence is technology, which allows us to work alone and from any part of the world.

In conclusion, while there are some reasons to believe that people now depend on each other more, my own view is that we are more independent than ever.

6. 強(qiáng)行同義替換

詞匯的多樣性，估計(jì)是許多雅思寫作口語輔導(dǎo)書或者輔導(dǎo)班的老師跟烤鴨們提到的一條黃金律例了，它源于雅思官方提供的寫作和口語的評(píng)分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)，所以，似乎是一條顛簸不破的真理?？墒窃谡鎸?shí)的寫作中，我經(jīng)常感受到它的惡意。

請(qǐng)看實(shí)例：

話題：Some people believe that older generation’s traditional ideas are not the right way to live, think and behave in modern society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?(2008/01/19)

Past ideas are precious treasures of human beings. Although not every traditional idea can be used in modern community, many of them still have their reference value for the development of our society. In other words, if we follow these ideas in the properly on the basis of current situation, they still could pave the right way for us to think and live.

重點(diǎn)看past，community，還有pave the right way。較準(zhǔn)確的表達(dá)可以是traditional, society, be a good guidance。

還有：It is the heritage of traditional opinions that enables us to be frugal for living materials, natural and social resources. 這句話的說理用上了heritage, enable，其實(shí)本身都沒有問題，但是放在這，顯得突兀?！皞鹘y(tǒng)觀點(diǎn)”的遺產(chǎn)，使我們能夠變得節(jié)約。一部分原因是作者把traditional ideas換成了traditional opinions，這其實(shí)不是無縫的同義替換。較好的表達(dá)可以是：Traditional ideas teach us to be frugal and always save for the future.

必須要指出很多烤鴨寫作的一個(gè)重要誤區(qū)：替換強(qiáng)迫癥。或許你有在哪個(gè)輔導(dǎo)書里看到過說雅思小作文要會(huì)替換題設(shè)中的一些詞匯。但是，如果本身讀題時(shí)，就不能很精準(zhǔn)的解讀題目，再加上你對(duì)某些關(guān)鍵詞匯的使用語域不清，導(dǎo)致你開篇導(dǎo)入話題時(shí)似乎就走在了偏題的路上了。

導(dǎo)入，一定要簡潔，明了，讓人一眼看到你的觀點(diǎn)并且讓人知道你是明白話題的全部內(nèi)容的。

在同義詞替換和照搬原詞間，有時(shí)后者更好。

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