老外的雅思9分范文點評

　　中國人寫的雅思作文有結構但語言不夠地道;native speaker寫的文章夠地道，但不夠雅思!因此，市面上總找不到“完美”的雅思例文。

　　此次，我特別邀請我的美國朋友(同樣研究和教授雅思)“按照我的要求”寫了一些文章，這里逐一貼出來，讓大家分享一下，呵呵。。。

　　Children who grow up in families which are short of money are better prepared to deal with the problems of adult life than children who are brought up by wealthy parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

　　Some feel that the children of low income families are better equipped to deal with difficulties posed by the ‘real world’ when they grow up and they also believe the privileged children of wealthy families are less fit to deal with these difficulties . The implications and veracity of this argument seem self-evident, but in fact require closer examination. ( 58words )

　　點評： 1+ 1 ’ 模式，最后 1 句為主題句。此段的主題句稍微有點特殊，它的確否定了前面所提到的觀點，從而表達出了自己的觀點，此外還引出了下文。特別是最后半句： but in fact require closer examination ，感覺是在拋磚引玉。

　　The popular wisdom is that children of poorer families learn early on the value of a buck, and are thus naturally better suited to stretching moneywhen times get tough in adulthood. Inversely, the children of wealthy families, thoseborn with a silver spoon in their mouths, are believed to be completely ignorant of the value of money, having had everything provided for them in their youth and oftentimes erroneously expecting the same situation in adulthood. They are believed to be prone to overspending and financial irresponsibility. This belief, though logical, overlooks one key point which is , of course, education. (100words)

　　點評： 1 ’ +3 模式，第 1 句是主題句。請注意，從此段的內容來看，這是個讓步段(即分析自己并不贊成的觀點)。雖然 4 段論的作文的主體段是兩面討論，但是本人還是喜歡這樣的寫作，即主體段的觀點還是有側重的，把讓步段放在前面，最后 1 句話引出下一段，這樣過度地很自然，而且自己的觀點也比較明確!

　　The basis of this argument is , of course, knowing the value of money, and the idea that children of the poor know this, and those of the wealthy do not . Who though, is in a better position to teach their children the value of money; someone skilled in earning and keeping it, the wealthy parent, or someone who can not seem to acquire it, the poor parent? Both wealthy and poor children are equally likely to acquire an education in money, whether it is formal, or in the school of hard knocks. Conversely, both children are as likely to ignore this education. (101words)

　　點評：這段的內容感覺寫得不夠直接，還是在分析對方觀點的漏洞!請注意，前面讓步段已經這么寫過了，那么這一段最好是正面地論證自己的觀點，這樣從內容上來說更 convincing 一點!此外，需要說明的是，大家發現作者的內容還是有一定深度，但是這是要有一定的英語功底才行的!如果英語功底不行的話，建議內容不要寫太深，因為那樣容易造成考官看不懂你在說什么!

　　A poor child may believe that one can get along, if not as easily, without wealth. A wealthy child may be well trained by a parent steeped in the knowledge of money management; the key to developing this skill is education.

　　點評：最后一段有點像是提出解決這個問題的辦法，即 education. 它沒有像傳統的結尾段那樣簡單的重申自己的觀點。

　　總結之總結：

　　全文的觀點有待揣摩，作者很明顯是不贊成題目的說法，即 Children who grow up in families which are short of money are better prepared to deal with the problems of adult life than children who are brought up by wealthy parents. 但是作者自己是更偏向窮人家的孩子呢，還是富人家的孩子呢?!根據文章來看，作者是中立，他所看重的是他們所接受的教育。In other words，整篇文章又是一次中立的寫法。在雅思考試中，這種寫法經常使用，還是非常實用的，大家可以學習一下。此外，文章中有很多好詞好句，特別是長句，值得模仿一下。

　　此文9分。

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