何為高分雅思作文看考官批作文

　　請看下面這個小作文的開頭段，看似行文流水，實則欲哭無淚。

　　As can be seen from the table chart, it gives us the percentage of national consumer experience by category in 2002 in five different countries.談及套句，小作文中“As can be seen from…”曾被列為小作文必備佳句，而孰不知此句雖好，但native speaker 常把它放在主體段落開頭句。若論行文習(xí)慣，實在勉強。再者，“table chart”必會讓考官在批卷的疲勞中會心一笑。但是烤鴨們，不知啊，你讓他笑，他卻讓你人比黃花瘦，盡管他是那樣的愛你。此短語翻譯成中文叫“表格圖”，考生自是覺得挺有中國風(fēng)的感覺。但考官會認(rèn)為是“這table就是表格，也就是圖的一種，還后面要是再加一chart，再來一圖。實為black sheep 一族”啊!南部陳更要翻譯成“表格圖圖”?實在是具有喜感啊!再論“us”一詞，感覺倒是親民派系， 考官考生一家人啊。但是，雅思寫作，半學(xué)術(shù)文體，這詞總有點較為隨意。所以，寧為被動，隱去施動者，換成it can be seen ,或是it represents that 等句，或許會更好點。考生最無辜的地方就是下面的這個percentage。我們都知道，衣服表格不可能只有全圖一個數(shù)據(jù)，又怎會遺忘名詞單復(fù)數(shù)的問題呢?最后那個“in 2002 in five different countries”，感覺起來好似是信息滿滿，不知道是否也是信心滿滿?語法老師告訴我們：當(dāng)句子中同時有地點狀語和時間狀語時,一般要把地點狀語放在時間狀語之前 。要知道，不走尋常路，那是考官的作風(fēng)。考生要是也這樣做，哭泣大于微笑。

　　雅思作文這樣批，你懂的……---系列二

　　People have, in rercent years, shown concern on the dire consequences of global warming and air pollution. Some people suggest that we should limit are travel(travelling) instead of car use. It seems to me that the objection against air travel is based on incorrect facts and stereotypes.(The)Vehicle is an integral segment of urban industrial civilization, mirroring contemporary life, in its best and unrest aspects.

　　Just as machinery is integral to industrialization, air is central to world economy.(有邏輯關(guān)系嗎?)Air travels make it possible for people to move around the world freely and quickly. Today, the tips can be completed in a matter of hours. One can attend a meeting in Pairs and dinner in New York the same day. There is a growing recognition that air travels have several advantages, while(連接詞使用有誤，改成meanwhile)it can(補上主語) ensures(刪掉s) the growth of modern business such as international tourism, transportation and express delivery ,etc. Therefore, limiting air travel itself is a grave mistake ,that (非限定從句引導(dǎo)詞改成which)would be a severe blow to these industries and may even damage world economy.

　　It’s true that one long-distance flight consumes more fuel and causes even more pollution than a car journey. But air trips have more outweight than car journey in the long journey (什么意思?)and the numbers of passengers. However, cars also can release gases that pollution the air, and cause great damage human health. Giving up air travels for(應(yīng)改成instead of) car journeys(什么意思?) hoping there will be less pollution is certainly a fruitless act.

　　According to the above analysis, we can observe that limiting air travels cannot solve the environmental problems. We should aim at developing cleaner fuels an more efficient engines that will allow us to enjoy travelling without putting the environment in danger

　　終極點評：結(jié)構(gòu)安排較好，5.5基本保證。但細(xì)節(jié)錯誤過多，尤其是銜接手段較為機(jī)械。

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