2010年雅思大作文點評:古代科技改變?nèi)祟惗嘤诮?/h1>
閱讀 : 次
Some people think earlier technology changed humans‘ lives more than recent technology. Do you agree?
Overall, I disagree the opinion expressed. Earlier technology and recent technology have the same effect in our life. In this essay, I will take about the medicial technology and the living technology to prove my view. (36words)
結(jié)構(gòu)點評：此段寫法和傳統(tǒng)的首段寫法有所不同。它是第1句并不明確地表達自己的觀點，即不同意（沒有交待不同意什么，自己的觀點又是什么）。第2句象征性地交待了一下背景。最后1句是引出下文。需要指出的是，第1段并沒有明確表達作者自己的觀點。有些考官（如MM），明確指出這種寫法不夠好。
語言方面：紅色部分為明顯錯誤的地方。可以看出作者寫作很粗心！給我的第1印象是這篇文章應(yīng)該是5分左右的水平！要注意，我已經(jīng)在以前的文章當(dāng)中指出第1段很簡單但是也很重要，因為first impression lasts forever。第1段寫得不好，作文分?jǐn)?shù)很受影響！！！錯誤地方分別應(yīng)改為：disagree with, have the same effect on, talk about, medical
Medicial technology, as（應(yīng)改為like） other technology, is in order to improve the quality of humans’ life which has being researched（可能用has been studied更好，原來的寫法根本沒有！！！） continuously. Whatever earlier technology or recent one has the same aim that it cure people of diseases（后半句的that到底是怎么一回事？！感覺很莫名地出現(xiàn)了）. Nobody can say earlier medicial technology can just treat the cough or cold so does it change（看不懂） our life less than the recent one which can solve some difficult brain problem（主謂一致的錯誤）. Surely, people always seek for the solution of every disease. In any case, all the medicial technologies are equally（be動詞應(yīng)該加形容詞，即equal）, so we need not compare them.（92words）
結(jié)構(gòu)分析：1’+ 4的模式。沒什么好展開的，詞數(shù)也差得不多。從結(jié)構(gòu)上來說，做的還不錯。大家要注意：大多數(shù)雅思作文結(jié)構(gòu)都是比較清晰的，所以結(jié)構(gòu)必須達到要求，沒什么好多說的。
語言方面：這明顯是本篇作者的弱點！！！一般經(jīng)過培訓(xùn)的同學(xué)仍存在較大問題的就是語言方面。因為語言不是短期內(nèi)就能提高很多的，但是還是能提高的！！！首先，就是要提高正確性；其次，再考慮多樣性。紅色字體表示錯誤的地方，可見，作者的語言水平實在不敢恭維！
The same is true in living thchnology（什么意思）. People invented chair（發(fā)明的東西，前面加個the,比如invent the telephone等等）, so we sit on the ground no longer. Later, when we invented sofa（同上）, which can make us feel more comfortable when we are sitting. Both of them all（有了both怎么還有all,那不是自相矛盾么！！！）change our life a lot. Before the air conditioner has been invented, nobody will complain that the fan is useless in our life. As（什么意思） the same reason above, in different time has technology affacted （是affected吧，此外，這個句子沒有主語，這是嚴(yán)重錯誤！！！）to our life differently. Anyway, the living technology is in order to raise the standard of our life, to make it more satisfactory. （95words）
結(jié)構(gòu)就不分析了，分析了那么多篇，大家應(yīng)該有所了解了。
語言方面大家看了就知道，算是把這段當(dāng)作改錯吧！！！希望作者看了不要受打擊，呵呵。。。
To sum up, I think it is by no means to compare which of these two changes our life more. Technology development is a process step by step（應(yīng)該是a step-by-step process）. Every footprint represent (主謂一致的錯誤，怎么老是犯這種錯誤？！因為中文的動詞沒有第三人稱的變化，所以寫著寫著就忘了！！！) the contribution which it made for humans’ life. Just as I expound above, earlier technology and recent technology have the same influence in（應(yīng)該為on） humans’ lives.（281words） 更多 雅思作文、雅思寫作、雅思范文、雅思作文范文、雅思高分范文、雅思作文評分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)，
請繼續(xù)關(guān)注 英語作文大全
本文標(biāo)題：2010年雅思大作文點評:古代科技改變?nèi)祟惗嘤诮?/a> - 雅思作文_雅思寫作_雅思范文
本文地址：http://www.autochemexpert.com/writing/englishtest/ielts/28068.html
Overall, I disagree the opinion expressed. Earlier technology and recent technology have the same effect in our life. In this essay, I will take about the medicial technology and the living technology to prove my view. (36words)
結(jié)構(gòu)點評：此段寫法和傳統(tǒng)的首段寫法有所不同。它是第1句并不明確地表達自己的觀點，即不同意（沒有交待不同意什么，自己的觀點又是什么）。第2句象征性地交待了一下背景。最后1句是引出下文。需要指出的是，第1段并沒有明確表達作者自己的觀點。有些考官（如MM），明確指出這種寫法不夠好。
語言方面：紅色部分為明顯錯誤的地方。可以看出作者寫作很粗心！給我的第1印象是這篇文章應(yīng)該是5分左右的水平！要注意，我已經(jīng)在以前的文章當(dāng)中指出第1段很簡單但是也很重要，因為first impression lasts forever。第1段寫得不好，作文分?jǐn)?shù)很受影響！！！錯誤地方分別應(yīng)改為：disagree with, have the same effect on, talk about, medical
Medicial technology, as（應(yīng)改為like） other technology, is in order to improve the quality of humans’ life which has being researched（可能用has been studied更好，原來的寫法根本沒有！！！） continuously. Whatever earlier technology or recent one has the same aim that it cure people of diseases（后半句的that到底是怎么一回事？！感覺很莫名地出現(xiàn)了）. Nobody can say earlier medicial technology can just treat the cough or cold so does it change（看不懂） our life less than the recent one which can solve some difficult brain problem（主謂一致的錯誤）. Surely, people always seek for the solution of every disease. In any case, all the medicial technologies are equally（be動詞應(yīng)該加形容詞，即equal）, so we need not compare them.（92words）
結(jié)構(gòu)分析：1’+ 4的模式。沒什么好展開的，詞數(shù)也差得不多。從結(jié)構(gòu)上來說，做的還不錯。大家要注意：大多數(shù)雅思作文結(jié)構(gòu)都是比較清晰的，所以結(jié)構(gòu)必須達到要求，沒什么好多說的。
語言方面：這明顯是本篇作者的弱點！！！一般經(jīng)過培訓(xùn)的同學(xué)仍存在較大問題的就是語言方面。因為語言不是短期內(nèi)就能提高很多的，但是還是能提高的！！！首先，就是要提高正確性；其次，再考慮多樣性。紅色字體表示錯誤的地方，可見，作者的語言水平實在不敢恭維！
The same is true in living thchnology（什么意思）. People invented chair（發(fā)明的東西，前面加個the,比如invent the telephone等等）, so we sit on the ground no longer. Later, when we invented sofa（同上）, which can make us feel more comfortable when we are sitting. Both of them all（有了both怎么還有all,那不是自相矛盾么！！！）change our life a lot. Before the air conditioner has been invented, nobody will complain that the fan is useless in our life. As（什么意思） the same reason above, in different time has technology affacted （是affected吧，此外，這個句子沒有主語，這是嚴(yán)重錯誤！！！）to our life differently. Anyway, the living technology is in order to raise the standard of our life, to make it more satisfactory. （95words）
結(jié)構(gòu)就不分析了，分析了那么多篇，大家應(yīng)該有所了解了。
語言方面大家看了就知道，算是把這段當(dāng)作改錯吧！！！希望作者看了不要受打擊，呵呵。。。
To sum up, I think it is by no means to compare which of these two changes our life more. Technology development is a process step by step（應(yīng)該是a step-by-step process）. Every footprint represent (主謂一致的錯誤，怎么老是犯這種錯誤？！因為中文的動詞沒有第三人稱的變化，所以寫著寫著就忘了！！！) the contribution which it made for humans’ life. Just as I expound above, earlier technology and recent technology have the same influence in（應(yīng)該為on） humans’ lives.（281words）
更多 雅思作文、雅思寫作、雅思范文、雅思作文范文、雅思高分范文、雅思作文評分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)，
請繼續(xù)關(guān)注 英語作文大全
